To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
