I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
