Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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