We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
