He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
