New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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