i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
