Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
