I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
