that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
