I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
