Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
