I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
