did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
