I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
