who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
