The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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