I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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