he puts the penis in happiness.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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