god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
