don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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