please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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