Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
