he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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