in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
