bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Randomize
