He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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