I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
