I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
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