and you said cock pushups were impossible
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
