why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
