I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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