this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
i need some magic done to my vagina
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
