Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
