I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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