I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
