i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
