I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
