Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
