3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
