Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
