Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
