You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
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