There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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