I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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