Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
