I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Congratulations! We have a period
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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