Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
