I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
