I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
