Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
