it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
