So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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