Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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