i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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