Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
