you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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