dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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