We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
