I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Why is your signature on my underwear?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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