Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
