I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
