I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
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and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
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I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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