Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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