I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
