Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
