its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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