If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
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I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
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Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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