dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny