Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME