Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.