she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....