Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together