I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
