you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
