Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
