Can Purell be used as lube?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
