Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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