He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx