Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
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Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.