I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
