I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
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you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
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I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.