don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
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arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?