I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.