So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Randomize
