Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
