He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
