I think my vagina is haunted
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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