Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
