things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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