AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
