giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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