He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
