Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
